Category Archives: Bubba Tribunales

Bubba’s #1 fear

It is well known that Bubba has a low bullshit tolerance level. The other day, he went to his company’s belated end of year/Xmas event. A late lunch, followed by two hours of talks and presentations, followed by a cava toast at the company’s new offices. Total time devoted to this, from the moment he got into a colleagues stinky car until he finally said goodbye to his colleague when he got off the train at his home: 8 hours. Bubba would rather be working this time. Doing bug fix maintenance work maybe, or unpaid overtime, rather than be at this event. In fact, he would rather work on New Years eve, reading 4 year old technical emails and filing them into the appropriate folder, rather than attend an event like this, ever again.

When he was being served his n-th glass of wine, he felt tremendously jealous of the waiter, and wished he was doing that job, rather than being a guest, a customer, a participant. He toyed with the Hollywood idea of bashing him over the head, tying him up and wearing the uniform, to become the server rather than the served. How ironic that not so long ago he used to be one of the servers, though not so ironic that even then he knew that he would rather be doing what he was doing, rather than “enjoying” the party. The false, forced jollity, the sudden staged bursts of clapping at the bosses tables, the brown nosing and arse licking… it just isn’t his style (it’s well known that Bubba has a very low bullshit tolerance level). Neither of the two excuses that he most often hears from people who attend these events apply in his case: “there’s a free bar” (Bubba can get pissed on less than 5€), “it beats working” (Bubba: “no it doesn’t”, please see above).

He smiled to himself (luckily he’s still got himself at such an event) when he remembered this from Seinfeld: “To the average person if you have to be at a funeral you would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy”.

For the next event, he would want to resort to this old trick: once the date of the event is announced, find whatever bands are playing on the day and say that unfortunately he can’t make the event because he’s got tickets to see this, his favorite band. The problem is that these company events here in Spain seem to happen during working hours, so… maybe the only solutions are either book a holiday or invent a death in the family. Any other suggestions, please leave a comment and we’ll make sure Bubba receives it.

Advertisements

Bubba à Genève

We find our man hopping on a Swiss Air flight to Geneva, with a briefcase full of cash, and a Lagarde list in his pocket. In this report, Bubba from follower becomes the followed.

Bubba arrives at Geneva airport on a rather smelly (because of the swiss-cheese “pizza” served on board… he’s not complaining since it’s rare nowadays to be given anything for “free” on one of these flights… just saying) flight, finds the 80-minute free Geneva travel ticket machine inside the arrivals baggage claim area, and prints his free ticket with a click of a big red button. When he gets to the train that will take him into the town centre (only 7 mins away), he notices he is being followed by a young couple. Not wanting to give rise to any suspicions that he is aware of being tailed by them, he boards the train whistling a merry Alpine tune, and takes a seat. The young couple sit a few rows away from him with their backs to Bubba (what amateurs!, he thinks), but soon another young couple get on the train and sit across from them, with a fine direct view of our hero.

He observes the young couple who were originally following him say something to the other young couple, and they get off at his stop! Bubba goes about his merry business of impersonating that he is unaware of the fact that he is being watched, and walks to his hotel, where he checks in and is given another “free” ticket, this time a Geneva transport pass for his stay in the city. It isn’t actually free, since he is charged 4 swiss francs (CHF) per day as a form of city tax, which isn’t that expensive considering that a daily pass would cost more than that in other cities, but is quite expensive, considering that he only uses it twice, and for quite short journeys, in the days that follow.

wire-mesh-device-smallThe next morning he gets his first look at the lake and is impressed by its beauty, but blinded by the low sun reflecting off its waters. So he wanders into the old town, up to the cathedral, but on the way comes across supposedly public “art”, a wire mesh sculpture of a bird sitting on an actual tree. Bubba doesn’t buy it one minute, this is certainly a monitoring device, receiving signals from the passers by and transmitting information back to headquarters. He makes a point of returning later, under the guise of darkness, to photograph the structure.

None of this distracts him from his original purpose of visiting Geneva however, and he investigates the various banks (swiss of course, not river) and their rates, to determine what is most beneficial for him. After thorough research, he decides on UBS, since its modus operandi is most clearly in sync with Bubba’s.

“A pleasure to meet you Mr. Tribunales”, says acting bank manager  Dimitri Al-Salimi. “Je suis enchanté de vous rencontrer, monsieur Al-Salimi”, responds our Bubba. The two adult males converse (in English) for about 15 minutes, then Bubba hands over the briefcase full of cash, which Mr. Al-Salimi duly grabs and hands over to another adult male, a young shaven-headed gentleman in a suit. Bubba, upon making eye-contact with the younger gentleman, attempts an inside (we’re all in this together/all living above our means) kinda joke: “Think of me when yur on yur yacht in monaco wont yu”, to which the gentleman replies (with disdain): “Pardonnez-moi, monsieur, je ne parle pas anglais”.

the-old-man

Freed of the burden of lugging a briefcase full of cash around, our man continues wandering. This time he walks by the lake in the direction of the UN, where he comes across an apparently idyllic scene. To the untrained eye, it is just an old man, possibly a fisherman, possibly just a man with a love for boats and piers. This innocent looking man is in fact a highly decorated veteran operative and has just finished a meeting on a boat where he filled in some currently active agents about Bubba’s approach to the area!

sophisticated-surveillance-small

The white house in the distance is stocked with a high-tech monitoring system interacting with the wire mesh bird, and with this other high-tech ‘live bird’ device in the picture on the left.

Finally, note the unusually large and electric-green headed “duck” in the picture below. This duck may seem different from the other ducks in the picture just because it’s older, or is an outsider, a pariah say, in the duck world, or even a leader of ducks… to the naive, but it is clearly a receiver transmitter of information.

ducks-smallAfter rigorous and thorough research, Bubba has determined that all the major control is in fact happening in underground/intermountain installations, in the area seen in the picture below. The mountains are hollow, the snow is fake, and the artifical reef of rocks (fake), is wired with fibre-optics.

control-centre

But it´s never all just business and research with Bubba M. Tribunales, since he found the time to try some local delicacies such as rich butter pain au chocolat noir, entrecôte de cheval, and of course some fondue au champagne.

You gotta run, run, run, run, run

I’m too busy to write anything and since all I would do is post links to articles and videos, just add me to your google reader “people you follow”.

When I have some time I’ll write:

– Bubba takes the high-speed train to Málaga
– Racism in Spain: Who’s the racist?
– Bubba organises the PIPA2010 conference (1st Symposium on Parallel Implementation of Polymorphic Algorithms)

…and other delights…

Diary Entries Competition

Match the three diary extracts below to these three writers:

a) Fernando Pessoa
b) Bubba Tribunales
c) Krishnamurti

Correct answers by females win a night out with the authors of the diaries, if living. Correct answers by males get a free torrent download of their favorite pop song. Good luck!

1. Οι τεράστιες μάζες των ανθρώπων είναι πέρα για πέρα αδιάφορες για όλα αυτά – ‘ανθρωποι ανεύθυνοι που ψάχνουν να γεμίσουν τη δική τους εγωιστική ζωή εξευγενίζοντας τις επιθυμίες τους, αλλά παραμένοντας εγωιστές. (loosely translated by me and google-translate: The huge masses of people are completely indifferent to all this; irresponsible people looking to fill their own selfish life, by refining their desires, but remaining selfish.)

2. …so I did what the Danes do, I wrapped myself in the airplane style blanket and sipped my 5 euro coffee. Welcome to wonderful Kobenhavn. You WILL be happy! … on the SAS flight back to London, the screens were showing the pilots eye view! Yeah, that’s where the excitement ends, because NOTHING happens. No birds being squashed on the windshields, no aliens flying about, no juggling homeless angels cleaning the windows at the lights…

3. I experienced the pain of truth when I saw myself there, because, inevitably, it was my face I looked for first. I have never had a very high opinion of my physical appearance but never before have I felt such a nonentity as I did then, comparing myself with other faces, so familiar to me, in that line-up of my daily companions. I look like a rather dull Jesuit. My thin inexpressive face betrays no intelligence, no intensity, nothing whatever to make it stand out from the stagnant tide of the other faces. But they’re not a stagnant tide. There are some really expressive faces there. Senhor Vasques is exactly as he is in real life – the firm, likable face, the steady gaze, all set off by the stiff moustache. The energy and intelligence of the man – qualities which are after all utterly banal and to be found in thousands of other men all over the world – are stamped on that photograph as if it were a psychological passport. The two travelling salesmen look superb; the clerk has come out well but he’s half hidden behind Moreira. And Moreira! My immediate superior Moreira, the embodiment of monotony and routine, looks much more human than I do! Even the errand boy – I detect in myself, without being able to suppress it, a feeling that I hope is not envy – has a directness in his smile that far outshines the insignificant dullness of my face, of me, the sphinx of the stationery cupboard.

Sex and the Tuna or “When Bubba met Juana, part 2”

Carrie is a fish journalist in the North Sea. She writes an article, all about the sex life of Tuna and other fish. She herself is a Tuna fish. Hungry?

Bubba bumped into Juana again, this time at a Jonathan Richman concert. It was really strange the way it happened, because when he sang: “Because her beauty is raw and wild“, a inebbriated Bubba thought, “hey, this song sounds like it was written for that chick I had met… what was her name… Juana or sumtin…” and he looked to his right and there she was! Dancing away… Strange chick though. I mean, why was she covering her ears during “Vampiresa Mujer?”

Goya Burger

kjhjk

Goya Burger, sponsored by Carrefour

Dia de los Reyes in Spain tomorrow. The Kings came from the East today and arrived in Madrid and all over Spain bringing gifts to the children that have been good all year and coal (!) to the nasty ones… It’s a big carnival-like parade in Madrid. Apparently a lot of children cry in awe when they see the kings (the wise men). I hate to tell them: It’s all a damn lie!

Meanwhile, Israel continues bombing the fuck out of the Palestinians.  It’s no lie. It was planned a long time ago.

Going to Lisbon on Wednesday for a few days, then London on Monday for a week. Bubba has a son. His name is Herbie Tribunales Ramirez. Sorry I hadn’t told you earlier, I just recently found out myself.

Public Service Announcement

Tip of the day: For a longer day, wake up early.

Song of the day.

Bubba latest:

I saw Him in a shoe shop in Athens
with cars burning up outside
trying on a pair of Prada’s
for size